I know it has been awhile since I posted and for that I am sorry. I have had the intention of posting many times but wasn’t quite sure what to say. I know that right now the most important thing is to tell survivors of affairs that there is hope. An affair is not the end of a marriage. It can be. But the decision to stay and work through everything can yield a greater love than you have ever known. There is no one that can tell you how to feel or what to do after an affair. That is your decision and yours alone. It is fantastic to have support and advice but at the end of the day, you have to write a check that no one else can cash.
With that being said, I feel as though C and I are moving on and forward. Forward is more important than anything. Forward implies a goal. The goal for us is to be happy. Sure there are things in our marriage that we certainly cannot control. The things we can control is the love we choose to give each other. I will tell you when I knew in my heart that everything would be okay. A few weeks, ago we stayed up until 4 o’clock in the morning. We weren’t talking or having sex. We were watching funny YouTube videos! Now you are probably wondering what it was about this activity that made me think everything was going to be fine. What it was, was something so simple. Something so incredibly beautiful that it was one of the best nights that we have had in a long time.
The magical moment between me and the wife…….she laughed and she smiled and she laughed and smiled more! That in turn caused me to laugh and smile and laugh and smile some more. It was good to see C laugh and smile. It was something I had missed because she had not laughed like that in a long time….at anything. It was good to see that person that I had fallen in love with. She was so lively. Words cannot do it justice but for the first time in four years, C was back.
We haven’t fought or argued since that night. We’ve been more loving, more undertsanding. This to me was the light at the end of the tunnel. It isn’t perfect, isn’t ever going to be. But this small thing somehow made me feel as though everything was going to be alright.
I was looking for this moment. I had no idea what this moment was going to be or if I would recognize it. It wasn’t mind blowing or a burning bush. It was something so simple that meant so much. Your moment will be there, keep your eyes open. More importantly, know that if you want a happy ending, I can’t guarantee anything. But if you want a chance at a happy beginning, you have to allow it and look for small blessings in the strangest places.
This post was not award worthy or clever writing. It is what I have always set out to do which is be some help to myself or someone. I hope that if it makes one person stop and notice the little things that they used to love about their partner, then that is good enough for me.